Scared

I'm more scared about being pregnant because of how I have miscarried in the past. I don't want to go through that again. But I'm pretty sure I am. Guess I'll find out.

Couple nights ago

I lay awake some nights wanting us to get closer. Wanting to be to say what I been feeling what's been on my mind. But trying to find the words to something I don't understand myself isn't easy. I just been beating at the wall between us. I want so badly for you to understand.  For there to be a way I can tell you. I seem to hurt you because I cannot tell. Even if I so desperately want to. It makes me upset and frustrated because I never wanted to hurt you. Which makes me even more confused on everything. But seems no matter what in the end. Your the one that's here for me. Getting me to relax and not worry about whatever going on. In the end you broke the wall I never could. Your the one that saves me.

Vulnerable, selfless, and playful.

Lol. I think it's funny how girls act like kids sometimes and the guy takes care of her. Then there are times where the guy acts like a kid and the girl takes care of the guy. You see them at their most vulnerable and also their most selfless part of life. You also see them at their most playful. Without seeing that in someone and wanting to help them or share that with them. Do we know them or trust them? Without it would we even stay in love? People can have relationships without meeting all of it. But you never see the full them. Trust the full them. Sure you may accept everything they are willing to show. Even anger is part of being vulnerable. It's our body's way to fight how we're really feeling. But we need those 3 things. At least I believe so.

Letting go

It's sad having to let go of people for many different reasons.  Most of the time you have no control over the situation.  All we can really hold on to is the memories we shared with them. The memories can either haunt you or be a blessing. It's up to you to choose. For those that has been on my mind lately. I wish I could bring you into my present life. So I can share it with you and give you another hug. Guess life had other plans for us. (Thank you for reading my thoughts)