When things go wrong

Why is it when one thing goes wrong everything goes wrong. Okay so about 2 months ago my car hit a deer. It got fixed with a 500 repair deductible. Then insurance decided that the car can no longer be covered while it's in wyoming. So trying to get it so it can be has been a pain in my rear. Because the title for the car is held with the bank in Utah. Then to find out the main problem with my car is the struts. Which is 1000 dollars alone. That I don't have. Then insurance decided that it's another 500 dollar pelienty just because the car was in an accident. Car with full coverage it cost less to not have insurance. Oh wait it's the law to have insurance on your vehicle. Which is missed up enough cuz they took it from the money that was going to get my dad out of the house. To find out that the person who been complaining about money had 1000  dollars hidden away. Oh yah that pissed me off. As long as I don't have to pay the darn car payment for this month again I'm happy. And might having to be stuck driving without insurance. I can deal with for a little bit. As long as no one gets pulled over.

How my guy knew

I wasn't even late yet and we were in the process of packing. My back was giving me problems and about a week later. Still not late to mind you my guy started bugging me to find out because I started to roast him out of bed. I kept putting it off because I didn't miss my period yet. I went into a clinic to get a urine test the day after I was supposed to start. And he turned out right. Now my little boy is almost 4 months.

Daydreams

Daydreams are a fascinating thing. To me they always helped me get out of my own life for a bit or see the what ifs. When I was younger I invented a girl named Rose. She looked basically just like me but black hair. And can kick butt if needed to. In a way she became my aalter ego. She was basically who I wanted to be. She was fearless and didn't have anyone telling her what to do. As I got older some of them still included rose. Others were having dogs and dinosaurs of my own that hid among trees and buildings not to be seen. When hormones kicked in I started daydreaming about boys and my future. When I wasn't daydreaming about boys it was about saving the world, being secretly rich, or having to keep a secret that I was really good at singing. At one point I started to daydream about possibilities of what would happen if this happened. Sometimes it would be about running away and how I would survive and where I would go. At one point I daydreamed about being two different people. At the time I figured it would be the easiest way to salve my problem. Even through in one daydream with it I was fighting a bad dude and the other girl was named Lea. Lea was the one I wanted to be and I was what I am. But even though I daydreamed my reality became better then I could imagine. Yes being more financially stable would be nice. But that's not what matters. It's knowing I can't picture a better life or a different life then what I have now. It took a lot of dark roads. But I got there. And looking back my daydreams reflected more on how I was feeling then anything else.

From the person I'm marring in 11 days

Once there was a dream, a thought, and a future. Then there was you, you brought the dream to life. Bringing the thought to reality, and bringing the future to the present. With all this I am whole, with it I can face the future for you. Without it I would be an empty shell, a ghost of who I am. With you in hand we march threw and face the future and all the good and bad that comes. Tell time comes were as we part and leave the world behind, we shall find each other in time once more. Where there once was a dream, a thought, and a future. There was truth and a life.

I Love You Bretta Kassahn, My Goddess, My wife, My love, My everything.

It keeps coming back...

Ever since that night. My mind goes back to it and so does my emotions. I hate it. I don't want my love to feel responsible for it. Good came out of it. But so does my worries. I worry that I'll never be good enough. I worry that he will change his mind. I been so snappy lately and I hate it cuz I can't control it I only know how bad I feel after. I just want it gone. I want the snapping to go away. I want it to stop coming back into my mind.