Just one of those days

I'm sure it's just pregnancy hormones but.. Omw!!! I'm having basically an emotional break down. If it wasn't for that f'in house I would go take a trip to north dakota and see my guy. Right now I don't feel like I can do anything right or feel even loved. I'm starting to wonder what's the point even though it's basically all in my head. I know he cares but when he is gone I don't think he even relizes that when he gets his checks. I don't pull out money for food for myself. I pull out bills and leave the rest for him. What he does with the rest is up to him. I just wish he could see that. Hell last time I went just food shopping was November... I have bits of random stuff but nothing for meals. Dad knows it. Why doesn't he? He worries so much about making sure I eat enough I don't think he relizes I eat what I have and that's basically it. Unless dad pays for something. He got worried about how I spent that much on bills and doesn't trust me on it. Hell what I'm going to spend 700 on? I'm not spending it on food. Or shopping. I don't know it got to me that he got freaked out about it. Yes I said I paid a bill I didn't but hey. I don't know where the money went I paid bills and dealt with the house. My mind could care less during braxton hicks contractions. It freaks me out more I get the baby or the contractions. I don't feel both. So most of the day I haven't felt the baby and it's freaking me out. Sorry this is coming off as a rant. Oh well good stress reducer.